


Fading to black

by TiffanyF



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 23:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyF/pseuds/TiffanyF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. NON-CON. DARK FIC. OOC. NEW SEASON SPOILERS.</p>
<p>When Horatio doesn't show up to work one morning everyone is worried about him. He hadn't been the same since losing one of their own. But what awaited them was even worse. H/Jesse pairing. Don't own, don't make any money from this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monday 9am

The crime lab was slowly being put back together. Everyone was still shaken by how close they had come to dying and a couple of the lab techs had to quit because they were suffering from PTSD. Horatio had been sad to lose them, but knew that it would be the best thing for them to leave and try to rebuild their lives in another city. At least they would be able to rebuild. Jesse had died as a result of the attack and the team was still stunned and saddened by the death of one of their own. 

Jesse’s death seemed to hit Horatio especially hard, although no one in the lab knew why. Calleigh had been watching him with concern as they worked the case and saw the old anger flaring back up, anger that only Eric seemed to be able to control. The two of them worked so well together that the others just stepped back and let them do whatever they wanted, no matter how uncomfortable it made them. Or how close to illegal it was. 

“Hey, has anyone seen Horatio?” Ryan asked poking his head into the break room.

“He isn’t here?” Calleigh asked in reply.

“Nowhere to be found, and he’s not answering his phone either,” Ryan said. “I was supposed to talk with him about a new trace technique I just read about, but he never showed up for then meeting.”

“Now that’s not like Horatio,” Calleigh said. She pulled out her own cell phone and called Horatio. “It’s off?” she exclaimed a moment later. “It’s never off. He always has it on, even when he’s in court.”

“Yeah, so how do we find him?”

“Find who?” Walter asked as he joined the pair.

“Horatio,” Ryan replied.

“He’s probably still at the cemetery,” Walter said.

“What?”

“Yeah, I ran into him this weekend at Jesse’s grave,” Walter said, “he said it was close to another friend’s and he was spending time with them each morning.”

Calleigh frowned. “I thought Jesse’s body was being flown back to California for burial.”

“Me too,” Ryan said. “Didn’t H say something about wanting to go to the funeral out there?”

“I thought so, so why does he have a grave here?” Calleigh said.

“I dunno, but Horatio told me about it,” Walter said. “Go in the south entrance and left on the third road. Jesse is about a quarter of a mile in on the right.”

“That’s where Speed is,” Calleigh said. “Of course, visiting his friends. Horatio always goes to the cemetery when he needs to think. Raymond is close by there too.”

“Should we go and see if here’s there?” Ryan asked.

“I’ll go,” Calleigh replied. “The rest of you stay here and start working on whatever cases have come in. And someone tell Eric what’s going on too, please.”  
**********************************

Calleigh couldn’t remember the last time she’d been to visit Speed’s grave, and the thought saddened her. He’d been a friend, one of the lab family and it seemed like his memory faded a little more every day. Was it possible that Horatio was the only one who still thought about him, remembered him as he was before the shooting, as he was as he died in Horatio’s arms? That was the first time Calleigh had ever seen death reflected in Horatio’s blue eyes, but not the last. It had scared her. It still did, to know that there was a side of Horatio that was so dark. That he was capable of hurting others to get what he wanted during a case. She knew that it would come back to haunt him some day, both him and Eric because it was usually the pair of them together that did things that bordered on illegal during cases. But with Stetler gone, she didn’t know who would be brave enough to call them on it. Maybe it was time for her to step up and talk with them both about their actions towards suspects. The darkness seemed to be eating them both a little more each day and Calleigh wanted to make sure that there was no way it would devour them. She couldn’t handle losing anyone else.

She turned the Hummer onto the road that would take her to Speed’s grave and, apparently Jesse’s as well, if Walter was to be believed. That just didn’t make any sense. Jesse’s mother had called and requested that he be sent back to Los Angeles for burial and Calleigh had made sure that he was ready to go in the morgue when Tom was busy. As far as she - and everyone else in the lab knew - he’d been shipped home that day. Horatio had talked about going to the funeral, but never went. If Jesse had been buried in Miami, it made sense. But why wouldn’t Horatio have told them there was a funeral for him in Miami so the whole team would be able to be there? She parked and sighed. She hadn’t exactly gotten off on the right foot with Jesse, accusing him of things that he hadn’t done and making life really hard for him in the lab, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t like him. She was sad that he was dead and would have liked to have been able to say a last good-bye to him as he was buried. 

As Calleigh climbed down from the Hummer, she noticed how quiet the cemetery was and looked around. Usually there were birds chirping in the trees, but there was nothing. It was almost creepy and she reached back into the Hummer for her jacket. The day was warm, but she felt chilled by the silence. It was like there were eyes watching her as she moved across the well tended grass - being almost childishly careful not to step on any grave - towards Speed’s grave. 

It took her a moment to realize exactly what she was seeing as she crested the small hill. For a crazy moment she thought that a dog had laid down over the grave, but then she caught sight of the very distinctive red hair. It was Horatio. And he wasn’t moving.

Calleigh pulled her gun and ran towards her boss, her friend. “Horatio!” she called scanning the area frantically. It was impossible. If there was anyone there, she wouldn’t be able to see them until they were almost on top of her. “Horatio!”

The red head didn’t move and, when Calleigh was next to him, she saw why. There was blood everywhere. A stain had dyed Horatio’s black shirt even darker. His eyes were open staring at Jesse’s gravestone, hand reaching towards it as if it would save him. His gun was on the ground next to him. Calleigh tucked her own gun away and pulled out her cell phone to make the last call she’d dreamed she would have to make.  
*******************************

Eric had been the first one to get to the cemetery to join Calleigh. “We’ll find who did this,” he said wrapping her in a hug. “I’ll tear Miami apart if I have to, Cal. This will not go unavenged. I swear it.”

“It’s so stupid to ask who would want him dead,” Calleigh said. “Horatio has so many enemies here in the city that any one of them could have done this to him.”

“But who would have known he was here?” Eric asked.

“Walter said Horatio’s been coming here every morning since Jesse was buried, and who knows how frequently he visited Speed,” she replied softly. “It’s possible that his killer has been stalking him for months and only chose now to act.”

“You know we’ll find them, Calleigh,” Eric said. “Tom will take good care of H for us and we’ll be able to focus on the evidence as it comes in.” He looked down at her. “Are you going to be okay to work this one?”

Calleigh wiped her eyes and glared. “Just try to stop me.”


	2. Monday 11am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR HANKY WARNING!  
> I started crying while writing this.

Calleigh put Ryan in charge of searching Horatio’s office, left Eric and Natalia searching the crime scene and took Walter with her to search Horatio’s house. The younger man was in tears, the shock of losing Horatio so close after they lost Jesse tearing him up. “We’ll find the one who did this, Walter,” she said softly. “There’s no way in hell that the bastard who shot Horatio will escape us.”

“I know he had a lot of enemies, but who would shoot him there?” Walter asked wiping his face with his hands. “That’s a special place that should be safe. All he wanted to do was be able to sit and talk with Jesse for a while. He told me about Speed too, when I ran into him there.”

“He did?” Calleigh asked.

“Yeah, he said that Speed was one of the best but most sarcastic people he’d ever met. And he cautioned me to always keep my gun clean so what happened to Speed wouldn’t happen to me.”

Leave it to Horatio to turn a chance meeting in a graveyard into a training lesson for their newest CSI. “He’s right,” Calleigh said. “Speed was scared of that gun and let it get dirty and that’s what ultimately killed him. He took his eyes off a suspect during a shootout.”

“That’s what Horatio said,” Walter sniffed. “Calleigh, is it really this dangerous to be a CSI here in Miami?”

“Some would say so, but Horatio goes,” she paused for a deep breath, “went out of his way to help people and that didn’t always make everyone happy. He has a lot of people out for his head and one of them finally got him.” Calleigh pulled into the driveway of Horatio’s beach house and parked. “But we’ll get them. It will never bring Horatio back to us, but it will show everyone in this city that cop killers get the full punishment that’s coming to them.”

Walter nodded. “Tell me what I need to do.”

“Search Horatio’s home office for anything that looks like it might be case related,” Calleigh said. “He’s dedicated to the point of obsession and probably has a lot of his notes here rather than at the lab.”

“Okay, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll search the rest of the house to see if there’s any hint to lead us to his killer,” Calleigh said. “If you finish up the office, you can help me with that.”

“Right.”

Calleigh led the way to the front door, unlocked it and pointed Walter towards the home office. Then she made her way towards Horatio’s bedroom with a small sigh, figuring that she might as well grab his dress uniform while she was there to save a trip. 

She paused when she opened the closet. There were a lot of ties on a hanger near the front, and Horatio never wore ties; especially not that blue one that she’d seen several times. Calleigh’s legs gave out under her when she realized exactly what she was seeing. “Walter,” she called.

“What’s wrong, Calleigh?” he asked joining her quickly.

“Take a look at those ties and tell me what you think.”

“They’re ties,” Walter said. “But they look like ones that....oh my god!”

“Yeah. Walter, Jesse wasn’t just one of Horatio’s friends,” Calleigh said. “They were lovers.”

“Wait a minute, Calleigh, don’t you think you’re jumping to conclusions?” Walter asked.

She shook her head. “No, because now a lot of things I saw but convinced myself I hadn’t seen suddenly make a lot of sense,” she said.

“Like what?” Walter asked helping her stand back up.

“Them coming to work together and leaving every day at the same time, little touches here and there that could have been accidental, the smile Horatio always had when talking about Jesse.”

“Him defending Jesse out in LA?”

“No, that’s just how Horatio is,” Calleigh replied with a smile. “But this also explains why there’s at least a grave stone here in Miami. Horatio wanted to have a place to go so he could talk to his lover. God, how could we have been so blind?”

Walter’s mouth twitched up on a small smile. “Horatio was good at hiding his feelings, that’s for sure. I never woulda guessed that he’d lost more than a close friend. To actually lose the one you love and not be able to talk with anyone about it, man, that’s gotta hurt bad.”

“The question now, Walter, is what do we do with this information?” Calleigh asked. She dug into the back of the closet, past the clothes that were obviously Jesse’s and those that were Horatio’s to find the hidden dress uniform. 

“I don’t think we should tell anyone until they actually have to know.”

“To protect Horatio?”

“Yeah, think about what it’ll do to his memory if people find out he’s gay,” Walter said. “Was gay, I mean. Damn, that’s going to take some getting used to.”

Calleigh nodded. “You’re right, especially with Eric,” she said. “Okay, well, let’s get back to work here. We need to have something to take back to the lab to help the others.”

“I hope Eric and Nat manage to find something that will point us in the right direction,” Walter said wiping his eyes again.

“They will,” Calleigh said. She put her hand on Walter’s shoulder. “Let me know if you need a break, okay?”

“Yeah.”  
*************************

Eric looked around the grave markers again and sighed. “I don’t see a bullet,” he called.

“It must still be in Horatio,” Natalia replied. “God, Eric, did you ever think you’d see this day?”

“With how many times Horatio’s come close to death, I’d wondered,” Eric said with a small sigh. “But no, he always seemed like he’d live forever. That sixth sense of his always kept him safe.”

“And there’s nothing here that’ll help us out. Do you want to expand the search?”

“Yeah, we might as well,” Eric said. “We know about where the shooter would be standing, let’s go see if he was nice enough to leave anything for us to work with.”

“I’ll take the left,” Natalia said.

“Okay, but stay in visual range, we don’t know who might still be lurking around here.”

“Oh, I wish you hadn’t said that.”

Eric tried to grin. “At least Wolfe isn’t here; he’s scared of graveyards.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope, I think we still have audio proof,” Eric said. “Remember that case with the cursed coffin?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, I do remember that. Poor Ryan.”

“Poor us,” Eric said. “We’re the ones that had to listen to him bitching for weeks after the fact.”

“True. Okay, talk to you in a bit.”  
*************************

Tom was far more shaken than he wanted to let anyone know. It was hard enough to perform autopsies on strangers, those who met a violent end, and while he enjoyed the puzzles involved, trying to do anything to a friend was harder than anyone seemed to appreciate. Anyone except Horatio, of course, and now it was the red head lying there waiting for him to get his hands steady and start working.

“Tom?”

“Alexx?” Tom turned around sharply and stared at the former ME. “What are you doing here?”

“Horatio is one of my babies, Tom,” Alexx said. “Would it be all right if I did the autopsy?”

“Well, I mean, I don’t really know....”

“I already cleared it with the chief,” Alexx said with a soft smile. “I know you did Jesse’s and this has to be hard on you. Let me take care of things here and you go get a cup of coffee and try to calm down.”

“How do you do it, Alexx?” Tom asked. “How can you be so calm about cutting into one of your friends? One of the only people who actually understood you?”

“Because I have to be,” Alexx said. She slipped on one of the spare white lab coats and looked around for a pair of gloves. “Horatio is one of mine and I owe it to him to be here right now. Just like I did for Timmy when we lost him. Just like I’ll be for any of my babies if we lose them too.”

“You’re sure you’re okay to do this?”

“I’m sure.” Alexx ran a hand through Horatio’s red hair. “He needs me now.”

“Okay, then I’ll leave you to it,” Tom said. “But call me if you need me for anything. I’ll just be in the office.”

“All right,” Alexx smiled. She waited until she was alone in the main room and then looked down at Horatio. “We’ll get whoever did this to you, Horatio. You know that. Miami died a little more today and this city will never be the same without you here to look after her.” She started to take pictures and then worked his clothes off to send up to trace. When she found blood on his pants and boxers Alexx felt a tear run down her cheek. “Oh, Horatio, baby; who hurt you so bad?”  
*************************

Calleigh left Walter with Ryan when they got back to the lab and made her way down to the morgue. “Alexx?” she gasped when she saw the other woman there.

“Hey Calleigh,” Alexx said softly. “I’m here to take care of my babies.”

“I’m glad,” Calleigh replied. “We’ve all missed you, Alexx.”

“I know, sugar, and I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come and visit more. The hospital takes up most of my free time.” She handed Calleigh a folder. “Calleigh, honey, Horatio was raped.”

“What!” Calleigh gasped.

Alexx nodded, looking grim. “I found a lot of blood when I was undressing him, and trauma when I checked a little closer. Also, look at the angle of the bullet wound.”

Calleigh walked around to stand next to Alexx and felt tears filling up her eyes. There was no way to mistake it. “Alexx.”

“Our baby boy shot himself,” Alexx agreed softly. “Calleigh, Horatio might have pulled the trigger himself, but whoever attacked him murdered him. There’s no question about that.”

“Was there any sign of assault other than the anal trauma?”

“No, at least not that I’ve found yet. I still have a lot of work to do to get the full story from Horatio. But I’ll let you know as soon as I have something else.”

“Alexx, when I was at Horatio’s house, I found out that he’d been living with Jesse,” Calleigh said softly. “Their clothes were all in the same closet.”

“Then I’d say that Horatio was the dominate in the relationship, based on the trauma, or he didn’t submit often. I didn’t find any semen, so that means our attacker mostly likely used a condom.”

“What about skin under his nails?” Calleigh asked.

“I scraped them and sent the results up to the lab,” Alexx replied. “Horatio would have done everything in his power to get us the evidence we needed, Calleigh. He would have been a CSI even then. We just have to find it.”

“You’re right,” Calleigh agreed. “But if there’s no other trauma, then it means that Horatio knew his attacker or was comfortable enough with them to let them in close.”

“That’s Horatio,” Alexx said. “But with a stranger or someone he didn’t trust, they wouldn’t have been able to get this close to him. But to think that someone he knew, maybe even someone we know could do this to him is sickening.”

Calleigh patted Alexx’s shoulder and sighed. “Let’s keep these details to ourselves for now,” she said. “The team doesn’t need to know about it yet and it will only distract them. I’ll tell them when more of the evidence is in.”

“Okay, Calleigh,” Alexx said. “I’m proud of you stepping up and taking control of the lab and team like you have. And I know Horatio would be proud to.”

“Thanks, Alexx.”


	3. Monday 4pm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> italics are flashback

_Horatio lay on the ground, not moving as his attacker walked away from him, not bothering to look around to watch the retreating back. Only when he was sure he was alone did he get dressed, slowly and painfully, biting back the whimpers of pain that tried to escape his mouth at every small jar to his body. Then he took out his gun and held it in his hands. “I can’t, Jesse. I know I promised you I wouldn’t do this, but I can’t live now. Not after this. Not with what I know now. I love you so much, you always knew that. I’ll be with you soon.” It took some work to position the gun just right, the angle awkward in his hand, but Horatio finally managed it. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. Horatio didn’t even feel the pain of the bullet entering his chest. His heart had already been torn to shreds and nothing would ever be able to match that level of pain. He fell to lie across Jesse’s grave and reached out toward the shimmering form of his lover. Jesse had come to get him, to take him home, to be with him for eternity._

 

 

“Hey, tell me you guys are finding something we can work with,” Eric said as he joined Ryan and Walter in the layout room. “Because there is nothing in the cemetery. Nat is back in DNA running some samples that have been sent up from autopsy, but other than that, we’ve got nothing.”

“I didn’t find anything in his office to show that one enemy has stood out lately,” Ryan replied. He indicated the folders next to him. “But you can see that Horatio didn’t have that many personal notes in his office here. What about his home office, Walter?”

“Nothing that we can use,” Walter replied. “Is it possible that H kept all his notes and everything in his head?”

“Maybe,” Eric sighed. “He always seemed to know more than he should and was able to put pieces together quickly. But where does that leave us?”

Walter groaned. “At square one,” he said. “Calleigh?”

“Hey, Walter, would you come with me, please?” Calleigh asked.

“Sure.”

Eric and Ryan watched the pair leave. “Well, that was weird,” Ryan finally said. 

“Cal’s shook up,” Eric said. “We all are.” He punched the table. “Damn it, I want to get out in the field and find the guy that did this to H. I want revenge.”

“Don’t say that too loud,” Ryan cautioned, looking around. “You and H have both been on edge since Jesse died, even before that, and it seemed like you both were ready to step outside the law at a single provocation from a suspect. And if I’ve noticed, you know everyone here has too.”

“So what about it, Wolfe?”

“I’m just saying that you need to be careful what you say,” Ryan said. “The last thing you want now is for IAB to call you in and make you leave this investigation alone.”

“Like I would.”

“You and I know that, but if it’s an order, you know Calleigh’s going to make it happen. She’s not Horatio, Eric. She doesn’t have the power he has, had; whatever. Bottom line is, you get in trouble, H isn’t here to pull you out of it. We’re all going to have to be careful for a while until things settle down and we figure out exactly where we stand in the department.”

“Wolfe....”

“Fine, go throw your career away on revenge,” Ryan said. “But I’m going to stay here and work the evidence if you don’t mind.”  
***********************

Walter followed Calleigh out to her Hummer and, puzzled, climbed in next to her. She started it up and pulled out of the lot. “We need to talk where no one can hear us,” she said. “And this was the only place I could think of.”

“What’s going on, Cal?”

“Horatio was raped,” she said with no warning or preamble. “Alexx is still working on him, but she told me that when I went down to see how the autopsy was going.”

Walter hit the dash. “Who?” he asked. 

“We don’t know, there’s no DNA evidence, unless Horatio managed to scrape his attacker somehow,” Calleigh replied. Her hard blue eyes looked over at Walter quickly and then refocused on the road. “There’s no easy way to tell you the rest of it. Horatio shot himself.”

“Damn!”

“Walter, think about it,” she said. “Who would Horatio trust enough to let in that close to him? Alexx didn’t find any other wounds on his body. He wasn’t subdued in any way, unless it was something he ate or drank and we’ll find it in the tox screen. This really narrows it down.”

He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. “It was someone Horatio knew and trusted,” he said. “One of the victims he helped out? A family member of someone he helped, or one of our homicide cases. One of his friends. Calleigh, this really doesn’t narrow things down because of how many people H helped and cared for.”

“Cared for is one thing,” Calleigh said. “Letting them in close to him is another. Horatio was abused as a child. He’s always had a hyper-sensitive awareness of his surroundings. He wouldn’t let another man near him unless it was someone he really, really trusted. Someone he had let into his heart, and that’s a small list.”

“How many are we looking at?”

“Maybe fifty,” Calleigh said. She turned back towards the lab. “I’m going to ask Tripp to start running down names and locations for me.”

“Eric said that Natalia had some DNA evidence that she was running,” Walter said. “I just know that it came from autopsy, so that means it’s something from Horatio. Maybe that’ll point us in the right direction.”

“I hope so, Walter, because we cannot let this one go. We have to find out who did this to Horatio and bring them in. If someone was willing to attack and rape an armed cop, what’s to stop them hurting an innocent?”

He put his hand on her shoulder. “Calleigh, breathe,” he said. “None of us are going to sleep until we find out who did this to H. You know that. We’re right there behind you. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.”

“I know.” Calleigh took a deep breath and parked. “Walter, you can’t let anyone else know that Horatio raped and shot himself. Not yet. I want to wait a little more until more of the evidence comes in.”

“Why did you tell me?”

“Because you know about H and Jesse,” she said. “You know what Horatio lost and can understand exactly what happened to him. No one else will be able to. This is our secret until we absolutely have to tell the team.”

“Okay, Cal, I understand. What do you want me to do now?”

“Well, you could go back down and see if Alexx needs any help. I know you met her at the team barbecue last month, remember?”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” he said. “Page me if you need anything, even if it’s just a hug.”

Calleigh managed a weak smile. “I will.”  
*************************

Frank Tripp was a man of action, not words. He felt helpless when he’d walked into the cemetery that morning and saw the body of one of his best friends, hell, one of the best cops he’d ever known. But there was something about the whole situation that bothered Frank, he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Hey.”

“Calleigh.”

“I was thinking that I could narrow down our suspect list to about fifty people if you’d be willing to do some of the searching for us,” she said sitting down next to Frank’s desk.

“How? You got that much evidence already?”

“No, but whoever did this got in close to Horatio,” Calleigh replied. “And there’s not a lot of people he’s willing to let close to him, let alone let his guard down around. No matter what the circumstances.”

“Ain’t that the truth. But how do you know all this?”

“Not yet, Frank. We’re still waiting for some evidence to come in before we say anything more about it.”

He frowned and leaned back in his chair. “Sounds to me like you’re keeping a lot of people in the dark, Calleigh,” he said. “And I don’t know if I like it. Thing like this, losing Horatio, we should all know everything so we can catch the son of a bitch who did it.”

“I know, Frank, and trust me when I say that I don’t want to do it this way, but I think Horatio would approve,” she sighed. “How are you holding up?”

“Hell, wish I knew,” Frank said. He rubbed his face roughly. “I keep expecting to look up and see him standing outside just watching people, or walking in the door to talk with me about a case. I don’t want to believe he’s gone.”

“Do you think Horatio knew how much he touched people?” Calleigh asked. 

“He knew, and he always went out of his way to make sure that everyone was safe. I’ve never been able to understand how he does, did, whatever the hell it was he did. How he managed to keep calm and collected until everyone was safe and the victim had their closure.”

Calleigh nodded. “None of us will ever be able to bring that level of peace to the victims, will we?”

“Nope. Wish I knew what happened.”

“I’ll tell you, Frank, just as soon as I hear back on some evidence from DNA.”

“Aw hell, I’ll run the names you got,” Frank said. “It’ll give me something to do other than sitting here and brooding.”

“Thanks, Frank.”


	4. Tuesday 8am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> italics are a flashback. they will be building on each other, so the repeat is intentional, until the whole scene is revealed.

_Horatio bit back a cry as his hands slammed into the ground, a heavy weight covering his back, forcing him onto the ground completely. Hands reached under him to his belt and he started trying to fight back, to get his attacker off of his back, but it was no use. He just wasn’t strong enough. “Why?” he whispered as his pants were pulled down._

_“I’ve wanted you for so long. Wanted to be with you, but you were always with some woman and I never thought I would have the chance. Until I saw you and Cardoza together. Then I knew that I would be able to get you.”_

_“This is the wrong way to go about getting my attention,” Horatio hissed. “You need to let me go, let me go right now and we’ll see what happens.”_

_“You’ll arrest me and send me to jail for assault. I’m not stupid, Horatio. And I know how to keep you from turning me in.”_

_“My team is better than you think,” Horatio said. He shifted when his attacker’s weight lessened and managed to turn his head. “Even if I don’t say anything, they’ll know something happened and they’ll find you. You, my friend, are living on borrowed time.”_

_“Big words from someone in your position.”_

_Horatio cried out as his attacker thrust forward with no preparation or warning. Or lube. He tried to relax, to make things easier on himself, but his body wouldn’t listen to him. The pain was overruling every sense he had. “How long have you been like this?” he managed to ask. “How long have you been lying to me?”_

_“You know the answer to that one. You always know when someone lies to you. The question is why didn’t you call me on it?”_

_“I don’t know.” Horatio hid his face in his arms, waiting. He knew that he would only have once chance at this and hoped that he was a better actor than his attacker was. “You’d get more pleasure out of this if we were face to face. Why don’t you turn me over? You can pin my arms if you’re afraid I’ll hit you. It’ll also be easier on me.”_

_“Not according to what I read.”_

_“So this is your first time with a guy. You shouldn’t believe everything you read. Let me onto my back and I’ll show you what I’m talking about.”_

_“Why do you want to help me all of a sudden?”_

_“I’m a teacher, and I always like to make sure my partners are well taken care of. you can keep going like this if you want, but it won’t be nearly as good for you.”_

_He waited, almost holding his breath as his attacker stilled, buried in his ass. Horatio’s breath ran out of him when he felt the other man pulling back and changing their position. He knew that it was going to be even more painful for him in the new position, but he had to do it. He had to be able to touch his attacker and it was the only way he could think of. “Slide back in and pull my hips up onto your lap,” he said. “That’ll give you a nice, deep angle.” Horatio bit back a cry as he was opened again, muscles spasming in protest around the erection that forced them into a new position._

_“Man,” the attacker moaned, starting to move again. “You weren’t kidding.”_

_“I wouldn’t lie,” Horatio said. He reached up and ran his hands along his attacker’s arms and chest, searching for the perfect spot to rest his hands. He bit his lip and shifted a little, clenching his muscles down around the invader, pulling a deep moan from his attacker._

_It was the first time that Horatio had been in such a position, giving someone so much pleasure while feeling none himself. He was powerless to do anything other than lie there and let the other man use his body, hoping that he’d be able to get the evidence he needed for his team without the attacker noticing. It was a risk that he would just have to take._

_Horatio watched the attacker’s face closely, watched as his eyes fell closed and he started to gasp, recognizing that orgasm was creeping up on the other man. Horatio positioned his nails carefully and, just as he felt the cock in his ass twitch and climax started, he scraped just enough to get skin cells without drawing blood._

_“Better than I imagined,” his attacker panted as he pulled back. “You’re mine now, Horatio. You’d better get used to the idea. I’ll see you after work.”_

_Horatio lay on the ground, not moving as his attacker walked away from him, not bothering to look around to watch the retreating back. Only when he was sure he was alone did he get dressed, slowly and painfully, biting back the whimpers of pain that tried to escape his mouth at every small jar to his body. Then he took out his gun and held it in his hands. “I can’t, Jesse. I know I promised you I wouldn’t do this, but I can’t live now. Not after this. Not with what I know now. I love you so much, you always knew that. I’ll be with you soon.” It took some work to position the gun just right, the angle awkward in his hand, but Horatio finally managed it. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. Horatio didn’t even feel the pain of the bullet entering his chest. His heart had already been torn to shreds and nothing would ever be able to match that level of pain. He fell to lie across Jesse’s grave and reached out toward the shimmering form of his lover. Jesse had come to get him, to take him home, to be with him for eternity._

 

 

Natalia had been relieved to get the DNA sample from the morgue. She’d never seen such a barren crime scene before and had been convinced that they would never know who shot Horatio. The only snag had been that there wasn’t much of the sample and her tests would have taken all of it. So she had to spend the night replicating and waiting, only able to start the test the next day.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Just loading the samples now,” Natalia replied. “Did you get any sleep, Calleigh?”

“No, none of us did,” Calleigh sighed. “I wanted to order the team home, let them get some sleep, but everyone is fixated on just one thing and that’s finding Horatio’s killer.”

“Cal, you sound like you don’t think it’s going to happen.”

“It’s all riding on you,” Calleigh said. “We have nothing else to go on. Alexx finished her autopsy late last night and is taking care of the burial arrangements for me. I just couldn’t face that right now. Not in the middle of a case.”

“It was really sweet of Alexx to come back and help out like she has,” Natalia said. “Calleigh, is there anything else you want to tell me about? I know you’re keeping a secret. I’ve seen you and Walter whispering.”

Calleigh sighed. She knew that team was suspicious, and it was probably time to let them know the rest of it. “Yeah,” she said. “Nat, Horatio and Jesse were lovers.”

“What?”

“Shhh, I don’t want the boys to know yet.”

“Sorry, but are you sure? I mean I never saw anything around the lab to tell me they were together.”

“When we went to search H’s house, we found Jesse’s things. His clothes were in the master bedroom closet.” Calleigh pulled over a stool and sat down. “Poor Horatio didn’t think he could tell any of us about it, and had to suffer losing Jesse all alone. He had to have been heart broken.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s more. Alexx found out that Horatio was raped before he died,” Calleigh continued in a soft voice. “But no DNA evidence there, so the attacker was careful enough to use protection. Horatio got us what we needed there. Nat, he shot himself.”

“No.”

“The angle of the wound was conclusive,” Calleigh said. “For anyone else to get that shot they would’ve had to be lying on the ground at Horatio’s feet, and you know they would’ve been dead before they got there. Plus we found GSR on his fingers, and the bullet matched his department issue gun.”

Natalia looked close to tears. “Why did you keep all this hidden?” she finally asked. 

“I did what I thought was best at the time,” Calleigh replied. “I never intended to keep it a secret forever. But I was worried that everyone would get so angry at the news that they would lose focus.”

“We wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, you would,” Calleigh said. “You already have. Your computer has been beeping for the past couple of minutes. I know this team, Natalia. Maybe not as well as Horatio, but I know how people are going to react to things. I couldn’t risk the case.”

Natalia took the printout and handed it to Calleigh without looking at it. It was pretty obvious that her feelings were hurt and she didn’t know how to react to not only the withheld information, but what she had just learned.

“Natalia, are you sure this is correct?” Calleigh asked.

“I can run it again, but I don’t think the machine would make a mistake. Why?”

Calleigh turned the printout around to show the other woman the name on it. A name they both knew all too well. Neither of them wanted to believe it. They didn’t know how they would handle losing another member of their team forever.


	5. Tuesday 11am

“Frank, I need your help,” Calleigh said softly sitting down next to the detective’s desk. “Natalia got a name back on the DNA found under Horatio’s nails and it’s enough to question the suspect.”

“Great, give me a name and I’ll have him in interrogation ready for you in no time,” Frank said.

“There’s a catch,” Calleigh sighed. “It’s someone we all considered a friend, one of the team. I don’t want them to know that we know before everything is in place.”

Frank stared at her. “One of our own did this?” he growled.

“That’s what the evidence says,” Calleigh said. “Frank, this isn’t going to be easy, but can you come with me to the meeting? I’ve asked everyone to gather in the break room so there’s only one door. With you and Walter standing in it, there’s no way anyone will be able to leave suddenly.”

“This isn’t going to be good, Calleigh.”

“Tell me about it. Shall we get it over with?”

“Yeah, no sense in putting it off and letting Horatio’s soul suffer more pain.”  
************************

The team was all gathered in the break room when Calleigh and Frank walked in. Frank stayed in the doorway and nodded when Walter joined him, helping to block the only exit from the room. Calleigh moved to where Horatio always stood when addressing his team and leaned against the wall. She didn’t think her legs were strong enough to hold her up while she did this. “We got a DNA match on the evidence from under Horatio’s nails,” she said. “We know who ultimately killed Horatio.”

“Ultimately?” Ryan asked, puzzled.

“Horatio Caine killed himself,” Calleigh replied. “The evidence there is conclusive, but something happened to him before he pulled the trigger that pushed him over the edge. There’s no easy way to say this and I’ll ask that you try and keep your voices down. Horatio was raped. Violently.” She waited until the exclamations and murmurs died down. “I made a choice to keep this information to myself, and Alexx agreed with me. Her final report says that the rape would have put Horatio in the hospital for over a week with the amount of trauma he sustained in the attack.”

“But Cal, he looked fine,” Ryan said. “He almost looked happy.”

“The trauma was isolated to his anal canal,” Calleigh said. 

“I can’t imagine that Horatio would kill himself because he was assaulted,” Eric said. “He’d go and hunt down his attacker and bring them to justice.”

“Unless he was betrayed,” Calleigh said. “Take off your shirt, Eric.”

“What?” Eric half-laughed.

“I’m serious. Do it.”

The team all turned to stare at Eric who flushed, but pulled off his brown dress shirt and white tank top. “Where did you get those scratches, Eric?” Natalia asked looking at his chest and stomach.

“No idea,” Eric said.

Calleigh handed him a copy of the DNA report. “Horatio gave them to you when you attacked him yesterday,” she said. “It was the only thing he was able to do because you’re stronger than he is.”

“Hey, c’mon, Cal; do you really think I could do something like this? Horatio was my brother,” Eric said with his nervous smile in place. “Why would I want to attack and, and rape him?”

“Maybe because you knew about Jesse,” Walter said from the door. “And got jealous when you realized that H was with someone else.”

Ryan glanced over. “I find that one a little hard to believe. Delko is the ultimate ladies man.”

“He’s been hiding all these years,” Frank said. “Come on, Delko, tell us the truth. What the hell happened in the cemetery yesterday?”

“Guys, I didn’t do this!”

“Then how did your DNA get under Horatio’s nails the day he died?” Calleigh demanded. “Eric, you left the house early without telling me where you were going. And you were late getting to work. What’s going on?”

“Okay, fine, I went to the cemetery to see Horatio,” Eric said. “I knew he was going to be there and wanted to talk with him. I’d figured out that he and Cardoza were living together and had some questions for him.”

Calleigh handed Eric another printout, one she’d had Natalia run after they had the first printout. “You did more than ask him questions, Eric.”

“What’s this?”

“I ran home and got the clothes you were wearing yesterday,” Calleigh said. “We found traces of Horatio blood on the inside of the pants and your underwear. He didn’t have any other injury on him.”

“Time to own up, sport,” Frank said crossing his arms over his chest.

“Guys,” Eric said.

“Eric, enough,” Calleigh snapped. “We’ve got enough to put you away right now. Just stop with the act.”

Eric’s shoulders slumped and he fell back against the chair he was sitting in. “I love him,” he said softly. “God, I love Horatio so much that I wanted him. I’ve wanted to be with him since the day I met him and I never thought I had a chance. He played it too close to the vest for me to be sure if he even liked guys, until I saw him with Cardoza. They were in the store shopping and the ease between them was ten times what it was here in the lab. I followed them and figured out that they were living together, that they were lovers. And then when Cardoza died and Horatio chose me to help him hunt down the killer, I was so happy. I thought that maybe I had a chance to let Horatio know how I felt, to win him over.”

“He’d just lost his lover,” Natalia exclaimed. “How could you only be thinking of yourself?”

“I just wanted to see H smile again,” Eric said. “When he rejected me at the cemetery, I snapped and attacked him. It wasn’t pre-planned or anything. I just, I wanted to love him. To show him that he still had people around him who loved him.”

“And forced his hand,” Calleigh said.

“My heart stopped when your call came in, Cal,” Eric said. “He was alive when I left. I told him that I would see him after work. He didn’t say anything or look at me. He just lay there.”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe Horatio was the dominant one in the relationship and he’d never been penetrated?” Calleigh asked. “Did you even have a clue what goes on between two men?”

“No.”

“That explains the level of trauma,” Ryan said. “Eric, you can’t just thrust into a guy’s body. You have to take time to lube and stretch the anal opening before you make any move and the submissive partner has to be relaxed to even attempt anything. And I can promise you that there’s no way in hell H would have been relaxed in such a situation. You didn’t just hurt him physically, you most likely destroyed his heart and soul at the same time when you betrayed him.”

Eric wiped tears out of his eyes. “So what now?”

“You get to come with me, Delko,” Frank replied. 

“Hey Calleigh,” Eric said as he stood up. “Would you be the one to call my momma and let her know what happened? I don’t want her to hear about this from the media.”

Calleigh nodded. She loved Mrs. Delko and would do everything in her power to spare the older woman the pain from the media invasion that would invariably follow such an arrest. Maybe her husband could take her out of town for a couple of days until things died down. But Calleigh knew there was no way that Eric’s mom would miss the trial - if there was one. She had a feeling there would be a plea entered before too long. She closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see Eric being led away.

“Cal, you gonna be okay?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Walter,” Calleigh replied. “I loved Eric in my own way, we’d been living together for a little of a year now, but it always seemed like he was hiding something from me. And I guess he was.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Maybe in a couple of days when the pain dies down,” she said. “Thanks for being right there with me during this. It helped out a lot.”

He put a hand on her shoulder. “All you have to do is call and I’ll come running,” Walter said. “I promise you that.”

“Thanks, Walter,” Calleigh said. She took a deep breath and braced herself for the battle she knew was coming. She had to report to the director and start looking for new CSIs. Because it was Miami, and Miami never closed.


	6. Monday 7am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> italics are a flashback

_Horatio stopped in front of Jesse’s grave marker and sighed. “It’s morning again, Jesse,” he said. “I survived another night without you, but it was hard. I hadn’t realized when you moved back in how much I had missed you, missed being with you, holding you and loving you. That you were as much a part of me as I was of you, and when you died, that part of me died with you.” He shifted his weight a little and sighed. “I never thought that you would be the one to leave me, Jesse. You were always so full of life, of energy that it’s impossible for me to imagine it extinguished, even though I know it is. I still wait for you to come home at night, to open the front door and call for me. Late at night, once I’m in bed, I listen for you breathing. I miss you so much, Jesse. I love you.”_

_“H?”_

_The red head turned, knowing that his words had been too soft to carry over the grounds to Eric, who was walking towards him briskly, but still felt his heart speed up. “Eric, I’m surprised to see you here.”_

_“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you away from the lab about something, H, and figured you’d be here before work.”_

_Horatio was puzzled. He hadn’t told any of his co-workers about Jesse’s grave, and had asked Walter to keep it a secret unless he absolutely had to tell someone about it. “How did you know about this, Eric?”_

_“I’ve been worried about you, so I followed you one night after work,” Eric said coming to a stop next to Horatio. “I waited until you were gone and then read the stone. H, I know about you and Cardoza.”_

_“What do you mean, Eric?”_

_“I mean I know you were lovers,” Eric said. “H, just listen to me for a minute. I never told you any of this before because I was scared. I didn’t know how you would react so I just kept everything buried where no one would know about it. I have loved you since the moment I met you and have only fallen deeper every day. All the women were to try and find someone who could, I don’t know, replace what I feel for you because I didn’t think that I had a chance. But now that I know I do, I want to take it. I know you just lost Cardoza, but would you consider going out with me some time in the future? I can wait, or let me help you heal.”_

_Horatio was stunned. He’d had no idea his friend had such strong feelings and didn’t know exactly what he could say. He’d known the younger man was keeping something from him, lying to him about something, but had never imagined it was something like this. He took off his sunglasses and fidgeted with them. “Eric, I, I’m stunned,” he finally said softly. “But my heart died with Jesse.”_

_“You won’t know unless you try, H,” Eric said._

_“No, Eric, I’m sorry, but I won’t be trying again. Jesse was half of my heart and now that it’s gone, I’m not whole. The only reason I’m not with him is that I swore I’d never hurt myself if he died before I did,” Horatio said. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t talk to me about this. Never feel like you have to hide something from me because you’re afraid of how I’ll react. You’re my brother, Eric. I’ll always be here for you.”_

_“So that’s it?” Eric asked._

_“Go to work, Eric,” Horatio said softly. “Let things settle for a couple of days and we can talk again. I just need to be alone right now.” He trailed his hand over Jesse’s grave marker. “To get ready to face the day.”_

_Horatio bit back a cry as his hands slammed into the ground, a heavy weight covering his back, forcing him onto the ground completely. Hands reached under him to his belt and he started trying to fight back, to get Eric off of his back, but it was no use. He just wasn’t strong enough. “Why?” he whispered as his pants were pulled down._

_“I’ve wanted you for so long. Wanted to be with you, but you were always with some woman and I never thought I would have the chance. Until I saw you and Cardoza together. Then I knew that I would be able to get you.”_

_“This is the wrong way to go about getting my attention,” Horatio hissed. “You need to let me go, let me go right now and we’ll see what happens.”_

_“You’ll arrest me and send me to jail for assault. I’m not stupid, Horatio. And I know how to keep you from turning me in.”_

_“Our team is better than you think,” Horatio said. He shifted when his attacker’s weight lessened and managed to turn his head. “Even if I don’t say anything, they’ll know something happened and they’ll find you. You, my friend, are living on borrowed time.”_

_“Big words from someone in your position.”_

_Horatio cried out as Eric thrust forward with no preparation or warning. Or lube. He tried to relax, to make things easier on himself, but his body wouldn’t listen to him. The pain was overruling every sense he had. “How long have you been like this?” he managed to ask. “How long have you been lying to me?”_

_“You know the answer to that one. You always know when someone lies to you. The question is why didn’t you call me on it?”_

_“I don’t know.” Horatio hid his face in his arms, waiting. He knew that he would only have once chance at this and hoped that he was a better actor than Eric was. “You’d get more pleasure out of this if we were face to face. Why don’t you turn me over? You can pin my arms if you’re afraid I’ll hit you. It’ll also be easier on me.”_

_“Not according to what I read.”_

_“So this is your first time with a guy. You shouldn’t believe everything you read. Let me onto my back and I’ll show you what I’m talking about.”_

_“Why do you want to help me all of a sudden?”_

_“I’m a teacher, and I always like to make sure my partners are well taken care of. you can keep going like this if you want, but it won’t be nearly as good for you.”_

_He waited, almost holding his breath as Eric stilled, buried in his ass. Horatio’s breath ran out of him when he felt the other man pulling back and changing their position. He knew that it was going to be even more painful for him in the new position, but he had to do it. He had to be able to touch Eric and it was the only way he could think of. “Slide back in and pull my hips up onto your lap,” he said. “That’ll give you a nice, deep angle.” Horatio bit back a cry as he was opened again, muscles spasming in protest around the erection that forced them into a new position._

_“Man,” Eric moaned, starting to move again. “You weren’t kidding.”_

_“I wouldn’t lie,” Horatio said. He reached up and ran his hands along Eric’s arms and chest, searching for the perfect spot to rest his hands. He bit his lip and shifted a little, clenching his muscles down around the invader, pulling a deep moan from the younger man._

_It was the first time that Horatio had been in such a position, giving someone so much pleasure while feeling none himself. He was powerless to do anything other than lie there and let the other man use his body, hoping that he’d be able to get the evidence he needed for his team without Eric noticing. It was a risk that he would just have to take._

_Horatio watched Eric’s face closely, watched as his eyes fell closed and he started to gasp, recognizing that orgasm was creeping up on the other man. Horatio positioned his nails carefully and, just as he felt the cock in his ass twitch and climax started, he scraped just enough to get skin cells without drawing blood._

_“Better than I imagined,” Eric panted as he pulled back. “You’re mine now, Horatio. You’d better get used to the idea. I’ll see you after work.”_

_Horatio lay on the ground, not moving as Eric walked away from him, not bothering to look around to watch the retreating back. Only when he was sure he was alone did he get dressed, slowly and painfully, biting back the whimpers of pain that tried to escape his mouth at every small jar to his body. Then he took out his gun and held it in his hands. “I can’t, Jesse. I know I promised you I wouldn’t do this, but I can’t live now. Not after this. Not with what I know now. I love you so much, you always knew that. I’ll be with you soon.” It took some work to position the gun just right, the angle awkward in his hand, but Horatio finally managed it. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. Horatio didn’t even feel the pain of the bullet entering his chest. His heart had already been torn to shreds and nothing would ever be able to match that level of pain. He fell to lie across Jesse’s grave and reached out toward the shimmering form of his lover. Jesse had come to get him, to take him home, to be with him for eternity._


End file.
